Tuesday 17 December 2013

I'm makin' a list, He's checkin' it twice...

I'm makin' a list,
He's checkin' it twice,
He's gonna find out Jazz is naughty, I'm nice.

Santa paws is comin' to me,
Santa paws is comin' to me,
Santa paws is comin' to me...

He sees me chasing cats-ies
He sees me lick Mum's ear.
He knows when Jazz is bad or good
So she's got no chance this year!

So you'd better not eat
Your Mum's bestest shoes
Better not bark
I'm giving you clues

That Santa Paws is comin' to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Fank you, fank you. Fank you, please, fank you.

Last weekends, peoples, I was sevrere...sevarileee...really, really, disdapointed. The 'Uman was supposed to take me to see Santa Paws at the no-dogs shops letting dogs in for Santa Paws only. I was very, very, very, very, muchly, very e'cited 'bout dis. Mummy still can't drive, she's got a 'Uman paw problem. If she could, I knows we would have goned. But we didn't. I didn't get to tell Santa Paws my Christmas list, 'cos the 'Uman had to go work instead. Not good. Not good for Merlin's. If I don't tell Santa Paws what I neeeeeeeeeeed for Christmas he might not get me what I really, really need.

Today, mummy showed me an alternat...alenartiv...altana...another way.

Letta's.

I can send Santa Paws letters wiv my list of demands...I mean needs on. So here's my list, peoples...

Numba 1 - I really really really really really need my own kitten. Failing that a cat that works properly. Mine are broked. I found these options for Santa Paws in case he was stukded.


Numba 2 - I really really really needs a new bowl. Don't mind which eva Santa Paws wants to pick.


Numba 3 - just 'cos Jazz is tubby, I've been livin' on dust and cat poop, it's not 'ceptable peoples. I really really needs a Jurrasic Bone dis big. 



That is all.

I fink I have beened very reasonable in my demands...I mean requests. I've ritted twenty letters, just in case, but if you all could add them to your Santa Paws lists for me too...just in case, that would be e'cellent. 

Fank you please, Merlin rules.



_____ Come and meet Merlin and Jazz at Deepdale Backpackers & Camping on the beautiful north Norfolk coast http://www.deepdalebackpackers.co.uk

Saturday 7 December 2013

The Deepdale Christmas Story



It was the day before Christmas, and Deepdale was ready for everyone. Jazz, Merlin, and Effy greeted every guest with a paw, and then asked them to throwtheir ball. While they were all stroked and fussedSophie, the manager, was worried because of a booking that cancelled at the last minute. But the three wise pup’s of East Anglia chilled and relaxed, because they knew something special wascoming.

Many miles away, Chihuahua’s Mary and Joe, were bundled quickly into a car. Their two lovely owners, Christian and Angela, had been on the phone and received some very bad news. Now they all had a long way to go, to Norfolkwhere they sought a bed for the night. They tried several hotels and an old B and B, but the answer was always the same. “I’m sorry, my dear’s, I do wish I could help, but were full to the rafters tonight.”

So they kept on going until finally they found Deepdale Backpackers and Camping, with lights around reception, all sparkly and such. They knocked on thedoor when it was quite late at night and told Sophie their problem and asked for a bed for the night. Jazz, Merlin, and Effy all smiled behind their paws while Sophiesighed from relief. She showed them a family room in The Deepdale Old Stableswhere their dogs could stay with them all night. And the star on the roof of thebuilding, twinkled and sparkled with light.

“All I must ask you in regards to the dogs,” Sophie said, “is please don’t take them into communal area’s or leave them alone in the room.”

“But they’re really good dogs, and so very little, they’ll be no trouble I’m sure.” Angela said.

“I’m sure that’s the case, Mrs. Church.” Sophie agreed. “But some other people staying might be allergic to dogs, no matter how small or well behaved.” Christian and Angela quickly agreed and Sophie gladly gave them their keys.

But Christian and Angela were hungry and tired and soon forgot the rules they’d been told. Mary and Joe quickly settled while Christian and Angela decided they needed some food. And no sooner had Mary fallen asleep than they found themselves all alone in their room.

All of a sudden Mary woke with a fright, feeling a terrible pain. “Joe,” cried Mary as she lay on the floor holding her pregnant tummy tight.

“Why is that, my love?”  Asked little Joe.

“The puppies are coming. They’re coming right now, and I fear I may need some help, but Christian and Angela aren’t even here, they probably can’t evenhear me yelp!”

Joe wanted to help her, really he did, but he truly didn’t know how. So Joe closed his eyes and looked to the stars, and made a Christmas wish. He wished someone would help them, and that Mary’d be safe, and for all of his puppies as well.

Perched high on the barn the owl Gabriel watched, and swooped down to the window when he saw Joe’s frown. “Whatever’s the matter, my tiny friend? What has you looking so down?”

“It’s Mary, my wife, she’s gone into labour,” Joe said, “And I wish, that our owners had not gone out for tea. I don’t know what to do, these pup’s are our first, and they’re a few days early, you see.

Don’t worry, Joe, they’ll all be okay.” Gabriel said, “Many pups have been born before today.”

But Joe wasn’t comforted by the wily old owl so Gabriel promised to fetch help,and assured him it was on the way.

Gabriel took to flight, searching the night, but it wasn’t so easy a task. He flew over fields and marshes, looking everywhere. But the rabbits and hares, and mice that he saw, ran away from him, all of them scared. He flew over creakes and the edge sea, but the fish swam as fast as they could. You see all the small animals were prey, and Gabriel had hunted them all in the past. They wouldn’t listen when he told them he needed their help, they feared it was a trick to make them dinner. So he carried on flying and soared over a wood where he found some pheasants and cried.

“Good evening, good fellow, I wonder can you help, there’s some puppies about to be born. Their father’s all flustered and needs a little advice about what to do to help.”

The pheasant laughed. “My dear owl, we have eggs just like you. What would know about birthing puppies? You need four legged friends to offer advice, not the feathered variety tonight.”

“Of course you are right, enjoy your night. Good evening and Merry Christmas to you.” Gabriel chuckled to himself and continued his search looking for the four legged kind, he flew long into the night hoping to find someone who could help.

Several miles away, Gabriel found some horses watching their sheep. Heturned a tight circle and hooted real loud, before he landed nearby on the ground.“Good evening, my friend, I wonder if you could lend, some help with a tricky little problem?

“Good evening, Owl, how can we help you tonight? You don’t normally call as you fly around.” Said the big, strong, chestnut coloured Stallion.

Quickly Gabriel told them of Mary and Joe, and the horses chuckled and smiled.

“Let’s go” said the grey mare, “and offer our help, it won’t be the first time I’ve played midwife. The sheep will be fine, we won’t be far away.

“As you wish.” Said the stallion, as he helped her up from the ground and they followed the owl down the road. They talked softly, laughed gently, as they made their way to see Mary and Joe for themselves. It was a dark, starry night, with few lights in sight, and snowflakes beginning to fall.

While Gabriel searched for his helpful friends, Jazz, Merlin, and Effyexplored. When they reached The Old Stables they heard such a pitiful sound, that they had to follow it till it was found. They knocked on the door and welcomed little Joe like old friends who had met before.

“How’re you doing?” Asked Jazz.

“Thank goodness you’re here, it’s Mary, and our puppies are about to arrive.”

“Then we’re just in time.” Merlin said, as she and Effy wandered inside.

Jazz was the oldest and wisest by far, so she examined Mary and told her, “Not long now.” Merlin and Effy sat by her side, nodding their heads as she spoke. “Go fetch me some towels and water you two, we’ll need to clean off these puppies quite soon.”

“I’ll sniff out the towels.” Effy proclaimed, while Merlin went to look forwater. A few minutes later Effy dropped a small hand towel down. “I’m sorry that’s all I could find.”

Jazz shook her head and thought to herself, ‘Thank goodness these puppies will be small.’ Still there was no sign of Merlin or water when the first little puppy was born. “Merlin, where are you? The puppy is here.”

“I can’t open the tap, I don’t have any thumbs. What else can I do to help?”

“Come clean off this puppy.”

Merlin said, EwwWhy doesn’t Mary do that?”

“She can’t, silly dog, she’s busy right now. Another puppy is on the way.”

Merlin picked up the tiny Chihuahua pup and took it to the bathroom. The sink was still empty but the toilet was full, and Merlin decided it was the only choiceShe was ever so careful to never let go, and washed off the baby, till it was clean and dripped from its head to its toes. Slowly she dried him while Effywashed number two, and stared at the baby and started to think about how tiny hewas. The longer she looked at him the more she noticed. Small ear, little eyes, and miniature paws. Its mewling little voice was the tiniest call. It barely had hair but what little it had was white, black, and grey. Just like Merlin had.

“They’re all so tiny.” Gabriel said from the window, the mare and the stallion looked in over his shoulder. The mare offered advice, as she’d been a midwife, and Jazz followed instructions quite well. Three pups arrived safely andwere all cleaned and dried, then laid with their mother before they all cried.

“I don’t know how I can thank you all.” Mary said. “But you must please excuse me, my pups must be fed.” They all settled down, chatting amongst themselves. Little Joe started crying, he was so overwhelmed.

“Look,” said Merlin, and nodded at the clock. “How did it get so late? It’s long after midnight.

“So they’re Christmas babies.” Said Gabriel. “What will you call them? Have you decided yet?”

I’ll call this little girl Carol, and the other one Joy. But I don’t know what to call this little boy pup.” Mary said.

“I’ve got an idea.” Merlin said to them all.

So have I, my dear Merlin, but it doesn’t feel right,” Joe said, “to call a puppy Jesus.” Joe licked the pups head.

“Joe, my friend, I agree. But since he looks just like me” Merlin said with a wink. “I was going to say Merlin. What do you think?

They all fell about laughing while the babies slept on, nuzzled in tight against Mary.

From the corner of his eye Gabriel saw a figure approaching quite fast. Sophie looked very worried, and Effy, Merlin, and Jazz gulped loudly. They jumped up at the window and all looked outside, paws resting on the window ledge. Sophie didn’t look happy, with her coat pulled tight, and her hat on her head.

“They shouldn’t be here all alone.” Effy said. “My mum will be upset about this.”

“What if we hide them?” The grey mare said. “She can’t be upset about what she can’t see.”

“I’m not sure that is such a good idea.” Effy frowned. “Mummy feeds me and doesn’t like lies.”

“Well, what will she do? The pup’s are new born and it’s snowing and freezing outside.”

“I don’t really know it’s never happened before.”

“We’ll go away, so she doesn’t see us.” The stallion said.

“Too late.” Said Gabriel as he flapped his wings and took off. “You’re a little bit too big to miss.” He landed on top of the roof and watched a wonderful, amazing sight.

Sophie walked carefully past the big horses, stood in the courtyard of The Old Stables. She opened the door and then went inside as people had reported strange noises that she had to investigate. Jazz, Merlin and Effy ran into the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind them. Joe stood before Mary, tiny teeth barred and ready, to defend his family every way he knew how.

Sophie opened the door and looked around the room, and noticed Joe and Mary were there. She held out her hand for Joe to sniff and asked, “Where are your mum and dad, little man?”

Of course Joe told her the answer. But being a human she didn’t understand.

“Oh, look at your little babies, no wonder people heard strange noises before.” She knelt down beside Mary’s basket, but didn’t touch the newborn pups. She knew mummy’s could often be wary of strangers near their babies, and didn’t want to upset May at all. “I’ll have to call your mum and dad, and tell them they shouldn’t have left you. But I think I’ll stay here till they get back, and make sure everything’s all right till then.” So Sophie called Christian and Angela, who were terribly sorry for the fuss. They came back to The Old Stables so quickly that there really was no problem.

Gabriel watched from the roof top with the mare and the stallion below. It was a beautiful night with snow on the ground and the flickering star, and smilesfor everyone around.  

Christmas at Deepdale is always something special, but this one topped the charts. Mary, Joe, and their puppies, so tiny and sweet, had arrived and captured allour hearts.


Thursday 5 December 2013

Surprise for the Christmas Market this weekend.

Peoples, fans, followers, and Spaniels, lend me your ears...not literally, mine works perfickly fanks, I mean listen up. I've been working on a special, extra special treat for you all at the Christmas Market. I likes to call it my Christmas Present to you alls.

I've 'structed Mummy to put up Merlin's Magic Paws round the Market. If you find them all, tell one of my staffs in the Infomation Centre and they'll give you a present from me. 

Now, come closer...closer...closer...ow, not on my feets. 

What the staffs don't know yet, is that I've written you all a story. It's an extra special true life's Christmas story...just for you. The key to it is on the present. Shhhh. Don't tell the staffs...I've not got them Christmas presents this year.

So remember your mission, peoples, find the paws, tell the staffs all the colours, get the present and use the key. Simples. Fank you please. Merlin rules.



Tuesday 12 November 2013

Woof Watchers

Peoples, for weeks now I has been mostly eating dust, grass, and stolen cat poop. The pet Doc said Jazz was looking 'tubby' and I had losted my waistline. Don't like that pet Doc no more 'cos mummy and the 'Uman 'sisted we go on a diet after this news. Evil things diets. Dont like 'em. I is Merlin de First, I needs treats!

Yesterday I understood mummy's hatred of these fings...


So people's I climbded aboard and sitted down. I tried to trick the weigher by giving mummy a paw. Didn't work. Moment later pet Doc (a new one) gave the verdict. 1kg losted in three weeks. Get in! I rocks, People's. I rocks. 

Jazzy the tubby (sniggering behind my paw) got on next and she'd losted a grand total of 300gms. No I didn't  speled that rong. 300grams. Also kown as -- nothing. 

Do you know what that mean's, people's?

No?

It mean's the diet continues.


Do I look happy to you? All doggie bags gratefully received at Starving Pooch, P.O. Box 300. Feed me, UK.

Thank you please, Merlin Rules.


Wednesday 6 November 2013

I is a Geniarse

People's, I has told you before about my school where I shot through all the beginner classes wiv ease. I started wiv the 'eveyone can turn up and run wild' class. I was a star there. Then I moved on to the 'you have to know what a jump and a tunnel is' class. I was a star there 2. Then I moved on to the 'spaniel' class. I was out numbered but still a star. Now people's, I has found my rightful place. I has moved up in the word and graduated to...

Collie Class.

Oh yes, I have gotten access. I am 'ceppted into the Collie Hall of Fame and the Inner Circle of Collieness.  I am CC registered with the High Shepherd of Collistinction. 

My Collie Class has flyball and agility in it all at the same time. Very special and requ..rekuir...needs a lot of special 'tention and skills. Collie's are 'specially good at this.

Mr. Martin--my teacer--says I is a dream dog to work and that I has 'tential. I likes Mr. Martin. He' a Collie man and a direct 'scendant of the High Shepherd line. 

Collie Class has rules, peoples. You must keep these to self...

Rule 1.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.
Rue 2.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.
Rule 3.  None Collie's in Collie Class must accet the rule of Collieness.
Rule 4. No telling Spaniels about Collie Class.
Rule 5.  Merlin de First rules. Thank you, please.

That is all peoples. Goodbye.


Sunday 3 November 2013

Something Special

People's I have been busy this week doing a'vanced preparations for the Deepdale Christmas Market. I have beened a busy pooch. I can't tell you too much 'bout it 'cos I don't want to give too much away, but if you come to the Market there's a game for my friends to play.

You have to find all the coloured paws around the market stalls. Some will be on the floor and some will be up high, and when you've found them all, you have to come and tell me the colours. 

If you get them all right, I'll give you a special surprise. How cool is that? 

In other news of the week...

Yesterday, Jazz and me took Mummy and the 'Uman to the beach and we saw something amaze-balls. Never seen one before in all of my life, but Jazz said she had once. It was a doubly rainbow right over the beach. The 'Uman said you could find pots of gold at the end of them, but it ended in the sea so we didn't go and look. See...






It was very windy, but it was a very nice walk. The only problem was afterwards. Mummy said we was to mucky to get in the car. We were a little bit soggy and covered in sand, so the 'Uman came up with this idea...
 
I don't think she knows who I am.
 

Friday 25 October 2013

I'm a 'fraidy pup

People's I've been in hiding. That's why you haven't seen me around for a while. Feared for my life. And I'm not like the cat...I don't have spare ones!

You'll be wondering what scareded me now, right? Well, as mummy said, 'tis a long and strange tale. Think she was being sarcst...sarcat....starcast...funny, but I'm never sure with her.

So here it is................(putting on story teller hat and crossing my paws)

Once upon a time, one day this summer ago, the 'Uman took me and Jazz for late 'blutions (last walk before bed) on Barrow common. 

'Twas a lovely warm night, 
with no peoples in sight, 
and a ball that was yellow and black. 

The ball flew thru the air,
Parting my hair,
While I chased it and then brought it back.

Out of the corner of my eye,
Movement did I spy,
And curiously I started the chase.

Moving shadow, I thought,
Or a new ball had been brought,
My friends, this wasn't the case.

It was huge, it had horns,
Jumped so high, hid in thorns,
'Til it stopped, looked me right in the eye.

Lowered it's head, pawed the ground,
I saw it pounce, turned around,
I thought this was my final goodbye.

But Merlin be nimble, and Merlin be quick,
And Merlin ran past a really good stick,
Never daring to look back at the monster.

Jazz watched from the grass,
The 'Uman stood at the pass,
From them both I could hear all this laughter.

It's Bambi, she shouted.
Just a deer, she called,
It won't hurt you, you silly old dog.

I felt rather foolish,
But it look scary, and ghoulish,
With that aura of mystical fog.

I feel more than a little bit anxious,
When we drive by I get a little bit nervous,
I'm really just a 'fraidy pup.

But now you know why,
I can't look you in the eye,
If eve you ask me 'what's up?'

Friday 19 July 2013

A'venturising with Mummy and the 'Uman

People's I've been on 'oliday. I tooks Mummy and the 'Uman to a place called York Shire Dales. It's pritty--like me--and got lumpy bits--like Jazz. It fits us.

We stayed in the collapsible house again that Mummy calls a tent, but it was a bigger one this time, and Mummy 'sembled it straight from the car. She didn't have to lug it up a blumin mountain again and let the 'Uman get frost bites--not like last time.

The house lived right next to a river, which was really, really cool, peoples. It meant that I could go and cool off from the hotness whenever I felt like it. Just climbed down the bank and went for a swim, or a paddle if I only wanted to cool off my tootsies. Mummy even dividesed a fridge in the river...sort of. She put the 'Uman's beers, some other drinks, butter and stuff in her dry bag and sealeded it up. The she tied a rope around it, tied it to a tree and dangled the bag in the river, where the water was chilly. The 'Uman called her Bear Gryhls then...I don't understand, but I wasn't going to tell the 'Uman that! 'Specially when it turned out that the 'Uman hadn't packed the right gas for the new campy cooker she had brought. Mummy had to cook right over the fire instead. Sometimes, peoples, I has to shake my head at the 'Uman.

We did a new a'venture fing this time called Gorge Walking. Now, I don't know exactly it's called this but I fink it's  because all Mummy and the 'Uman kept saying while they was walking and swimming down the river was 'Oh it's gorgeous'. So maybe it's short for Gorgeous Walking...don't know.

So the Gorgeous Walking meant we could go climbing up and down the rocks with the water falling off them.


See? Gorgeous.

On the first day, Mummy and the 'Uman came in the water in swimming cozzies. The 'Uman said that she was getting frost bites again on different places to last time and the next day they wored wetsuits for the Gorgeous Walking. Wusses. I just went in in my fur.


Mummy tooked lots--and I do mean lots--of pictures with her camera. Some are really nice, and then she took some that aren't...erm...quite so nice.

 
This is the 'Uman from underwater. Mummy was being...erm...creative.
 
So back to me. I proved my swimming championshipness by racing the 'Uman for the stick in the water. I even gaved her a head start as I am 'ceptional. I call this video 'Uman versus Merlin de First, Queen of all her lands and must be obeyed. But I gives you all permission to watch it.
 
 
I think, peoples, I have found my Olympic sport.
 
There are more photopictures of my a'venturing on my facebook page. Mummy posted them before I could get to the laptop.
 
Bye for now, peoples, more to follow. Thank you please. Merlin de First, over and out.


Tuesday 18 June 2013

I'm back!

Peoples, mummy had been very busy monp...mompo....monpol....using my 'puter so I can't get on it and speks to my peoples. I am Merlin de First, and I is not happy 'bout this.

What has she been doing wiv my 'puter I hears you asking. Well, she's been writing words for a book. But now she's doned and this is what her mas'erpeace looks like. It's called Nightingale and its gonna be pubished next year.

Saturday 4 May 2013

Busy...

Peoples you may be wonderin why I 'aven't been bloggin much lately. And if you 'aven't...shame on you! Bad peoples!

I is scowlin at you now.

For you good peoples who 'ave misseded me...I is smilin at you...I will 'splane that I 'ave been very very busy. And that Mummy has been using her iPad lots. Bad Mummy.

But I had to let's you know that my office at work has been 'vaded.

This is my 'cusin' Rosie. Takin over MY OFFICE on MY BAD MUMMY'S CHAIR!

I don't gets to sit on there peoples!

Cheeky. That's all I can say.

Merlin de First...'sgusted wiv the 'cusin'

Sunday 21 April 2013

Peoples, I am depressed

Today peoples was my agility demo'stration and fun dog show. I had 'visioned going home wiv lots of blue rosie's on pins for being the most prittiest, wonderfullest pooch in the hole world.

It dids not go to plan, peoples.

The 'Uman judges were not 'spectful of my wonderfullness and prittiness...and they gave my blue rosie's on pins to other dogs! They have me one, single, little silly yellow rosie on a pin. I got beated for the blue rosie for prittiest eyes by not one but too puppies! It is not 'ceptable peoples! Puppies should have there own rosies to fight over--not be stealin mine!

And I was the prittiest....see picture evidence below.

Merlin de First...cheated.


Monday 15 April 2013

Training for the weekend demo'strations!

Peoples, we're nearly ready for ya! Well, I am. Not sure abouts Effy...she hasn't been to skool to learn about jumps, and weaves and tunnels and fings. So me and Jazz have been showing her some stuff.

Can't have her letting the team down for the dog show and agility demo'strations on Sunday at my campsite...well Jazz says its her campsite. But we knows better don't we, Peoples!

Mummy says I have to plug the outdoor festival this week so that you all come to see me...I mean everything that's going on this weekend. So go here for more info'mation not about me, http://goo.gl/cGIhH

But I'll be there all weekend!



Saturday 13 April 2013

Munchousen by Dogsie....part too

It was disturbing, Peoples. Very disturbing. The vet lady shook her head at the 'Uman and then 'zamined my head. She 'clared no lime's disease. No danger of head fallin off. She also 'clared 'Uman hads to buy tic-remover-fingy for future uses.

She then shook head again at the 'Uman and said no she would not pick off my scabby head 'cos it might be yucky underneath. She gave 'Uman some cream for Mummy to apply...not 'Uman's...and said it should be fine. If not she's caused me to have a lump in the top of my head for the rest of my life, Peoples.

She has ruineded my modelling career. My pritty looks is goned.

'Tis over for me.

Must look for yet another career.

I'm thinking about character acting now I is not pritty.

Yet more 'munition for me to get revenge on the 'Uman.

Tuesday 9 April 2013

I have been to the Torture chamber...

Peoples I don't care how sad the 'Uman is. Her behaviour today has been unacceptable.

Unacceptable!

She took me...Merlin Bramhall (I'm dropping the Smith part from now on) de First and Jazzy Bramhall-Smith (she's got to keep it...cos I said so) to the Torture chamber.

Dese fings were the instrumnents of my abuse, Peoples!


I went in there a fine figure of a Collie. And now I look like this....



I have been scalped...pruned...de-furred!
I is practically nekid, Peoples!
It is an outrage!
I will have my revenge, Peoples.

Oh yes. *rubbing my little paws together...

Oh yes, I will have my revenge.
 
I wonder how hard it would really be to get those pictures of the 'Uman wiv pigtails afterall...









 


My 'Uman is sad.

She is saded 'cos yes'erday her Grandad passed away. He was very poorly sick and had been in the 'Uman Vets for a long time. He was very olds too. 623 in doggie years. Even Jazzy's not that old yet!

So all of us fur-great-grand babies is trying to work outs how's to cheer ups our 'Umans.

They is sad.

But Mummy showeded me a picture of my 'Uman wiv her Grandad when she was little. All I can say is...pigtails. *shaking head in disbelief.

Proof of dis Miri...Mira...mirc...event to follow when I gets my paws on it People's.

Sunday 31 March 2013

Grandad came to see me....just me.

Had a lovely dad wiv my grandad today. He cames to see me and we went for a lovely walk and then went for some lovely lunch...he let me 'ave some chips wiv gravy on 'em.

I love my Grandad when he comes to see me. Just me. That is all


Wednesday 27 March 2013

It's lost de plot...

People's one of the pants cats was sick on Mummy's bed. She refuseded to sleeps in it 'cos it stunked. She said she could smell it even through lesbian-flu...must be bad. Yes proples, that is scarc...sarc...scasm...me being funny! Anyways, on wiv my story.

So the 'Uman 'cided to change bedding. See picture below.

It took some time. This is Merlin de first...shaking head in 'sgust.

Monday 25 March 2013

I needs 'medial clas at skool

I went to my skool today. Unkle Nic had a really really good course set up. 'Cept for one thing. My arch nemin...nenin...nemesin... my enemy! The seesaw!

I'm scared of the seesaw.

It bangs.

It tips.

And did I mention that it bangs?

So I was a bit...erm...pants today.

The 'Uman was very proud of Jazz today. She did it all right. But it's okay...I'll steal her treats later.


Thursday 21 March 2013

World poetry day.

Mummy has 'formed me that today is world poetry day. I donts know what this means really but she said I should write a poem.

The 'Uman rekons she's a poet and started off 'Merlie moo had a poo...'

Mummy threw a pillow at her and she shuts up.

Here is my poem...*clearin my frowt.

My Favorit Fings by Merlin Bramhall-Smithe de First (cos I is Qween of my domane)

Walkin walkin everywhere,
Mountains callin here and there.
Sticks and balls and teddy toys too,
Some I've ownded since I was 2.
Skool is fun and lots of laffs,
With Uncle Nic and the spaniel lads.
I luvs 'Uman food much more than woofs,
But treats are 'licious...I's said enuf!

And these is my Favorit Fings, by Merlin de First.




Tuesday 19 March 2013

Recovery from mountain conkerin.

There is many ways that you people's seems to recover from this mountain conkerin stuff. Some of you sleeps it off...

Some of you eats foods...



























Some of you vows never agains, feets hurt too much....
 
 
























And some of yous drinks.
A lot.



























I have been trying out your recovery methods but I fink I prefers my own.

I calls it...again!


Helping Mummy wiv the Pub Quiz.

We comed fird this week in the Jolly Sailors Quiz. Not our best effort but we did 'ave an 'andicap.

The 'Uman.

One of the questions was 'who had a hit wiv Blue Moon in 1961'. Answer peoples is very obvio...obvisl...obisvis...it's definitely The Macels. I was telling Mummy the answer while the 'Uman decides to tell her it was Billie Holliday and starts strummin an air guitar and singin Peggy Sue. And telling us that it was a shame Billie dieded in a plane crash.

Me and Mummy...we just looked at her and alls I cud do was laff. I'm sorry peoples I know it's not nice, but she got Billie Holiday and Buddy Holly mixeded up and it neither of them was the right answer.

She also thought Justin Bieber was Justin Timberlake on the picture round.

Next time I fink we should get extra points just to 'ave her on the team. It's like a service to the comun...cominit...to all the peoples!

That is all. Merlin has spoked.

Thursday 14 March 2013

Hunting for the Force!

The book said it is the longest vertical drop waterfall in Engerland. I hads to find it people's. it was imper...periti...impertita...very 'portant! It's called Scales Force, and it's just off Crummock Water. So off we sets for the waterfall.

The path was...erm...pants. Even I couldn't find it all the time and I walked through the river at some points. Mummy rock hopped up the river and the 'Uman...kinda walked/stumbled through the mud.

When we finally got there it was mostly frozen. But Mummy said it was pretty. Didn't look all that big to me.


'Uman Training

I 'ave trained the 'Uman very, very well. Couple of days ago we went 'venturin up a mountain called Blencathra. It's now bagged, and this is where I learnded of my supa power. Come closer...I will 'splane.

We conkered the top and went back down a little bit out if the wind to have us butty break. To none Yorkshire/northern British folk...this means lunch. Mummy pulled out of her bag the little cooker, water, squeezy tubes of soup, and a flat bread thingy. When she got the water hotting up she pulled out an extra fleece to go under her coat to stop her getting cold, and a mat to sit on...same reason. Mummy is not well trained for Merlin's...it's really the other way round here. Howeva my supa power is over the 'Uman. Out if her bag she pulled out a big pouch of dog food. No little cooker. She pulled out a packet of Jumbone dog treats. No spare fleece to stop her getting cold. The extra little bottle of water she carried...dog water. I like Volvic bestest...but at a push Evian will do. I quite like the strawberry flavour I sometimes make her share wiv me too.

So I have 'cided I should use my supa powers for the good of all collies and my new career is to train 'Umans. I have setted up a website. It is www.'Umantrainin.co.uk/numpti'srevriwear charges and so on are all 'splained there. I can teach your 'Uman how to special treat YOU.

Oh and the mountain was good too.


Wednesday 13 March 2013

Wild Camping...The Results.

The 'Uman is a numpti. A well trained numpti...but still a numpti (More of the training for 'Uman's in my next blog). Here is my reasoning for this denig...desing...insult!

When we went conkerin big mountains with Mummy and the 'Uman carrying big bags...the 'Uman had a fing over her bag that kept blowing in the wind.
The fing scared me...flappin in the wind. 'Uman also got her pants, gloves, and hat all wet...they froze over night in the mini house. It wasn't good. Mummy had to bash them against a rock so she could move them and carry on with the 'venturin.

See peoples...I was there!
 
It was very, very, very cold up there. I have to tell you peoples. So cold in fact that I had to make myself a little nest with the extra stuff I had the 'Uman carry up the mountain in Merlin's Kit list.

Did I mention that it was very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there peoples? No? Wel it was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there!

So this was meant to be the route...

Gatesgarth farm up to Scarth Gap then we climb up Haystacks. Stay in the mini house till the morning then we go back to Scarth Gap and climb up Seat, High Crag, High Stile, Red Pike, then Great Borne for another night in the mini house. Next day then down to Scales Force waterfall and in to Buttermere village.  This is pretty much the Buttermere Round and lots of Peak baggin for Merlin's.

It didn't happen.

Instead we did this...

Gatesgarth farm to Scarth Gap then climbed...and I do mean climbed...Haystacks in a blizzard (That's what the 'Uman called it--Mummy said it was a bit of snow that obscurred the path a little bit and made it a little bit harder). We stayed in the mini house at Innominate Tarn...and then changed the route 'cos it was too snowy the next day. Mummy 'cided that the climbing back down Haystacks was too icy and dangerus. So we went to Blackbeck Tarn, Fleetwith Pike, Hoopers Quary, Honnister House, up to Dale Head, and stayed in the mini house at Dale Head Tarn. The next day we then went down the miners path into Newlands Valley and got to the cottage that the 'Uman had booked for the rest of the week.

It was an 'venture. Mummy took lots of very pretty photo's, I bagged some peaks, Jazz chased me a bit, we both rolled in sheep poo...and the 'Uman survived. Barely.

Thursday 7 March 2013

Wild Camping...

Peoples I am going on an xpedition. I am going peak baggin. Mummy said this is where I conkers lots of mountains at once. To do all the conkerin this time we's gonna build the mini house on top of a couple of mountains.

The picture is me and mummy outside the mini house. It's not very big...and it's not got a bed in it for me, but it's blue like my eyes and mummy's bag. Cos we's staying in the mini house I've 'structed the 'Uman to carry some stuff for me. Us sperienced mini housers call it 'kit'.

Here's my kit list that the 'Uman is carrying for me...
1) Food - very portant.
2) treats - also very portant.
3) My shoes - my plan is to 'forget them' up the mountain.
4) Sleeping mat - for my comfiness after a hard days conkerin.
5) sleeping bag - for me to share wiv Jazz. In case it gets cold.
6) some more treats - I told you they was portant.
7) Jazz's coat - in case I steal all the sleeping bag.
8) Jazz's tablets for her shoulder
9) Some bandages - in case I cuts my feet.
10) my scarf - also blue to match the matching stuf...I mean kit.
11) a towel - so we don't go to bed wet.
12) they went and got me a coat too. Fleecy and a bit snazzy. Wasaaaaay nicerer than Jazz's.

Mummy is carrying some other portant stuff like the mini house, and her sleeping bag, and the stove, and cra...I mean rubbish like that.

She's also taking the posh camera for my poses....pictures of me to follow peoples.


Thursday 17 January 2013