Grandad came to see me....just me.

Had a lovely dad wiv my grandad today. He cames to see me and we went for a lovely walk and then went for some lovely lunch...he let me 'ave some chips wiv gravy on 'em.

I love my Grandad when he comes to see me. Just me. That is all

It's lost de plot...

People's one of the pants cats was sick on Mummy's bed. She refuseded to sleeps in it 'cos it stunked. She said she could smell it even through lesbian-flu...must be bad. Yes proples, that is scarc...sarc...scasm...me being funny! Anyways, on wiv my story.

So the 'Uman 'cided to change bedding. See picture below.

It took some time. This is Merlin de first...shaking head in 'sgust.

I needs 'medial clas at skool

I went to my skool today. Unkle Nic had a really really good course set up. 'Cept for one thing. My arch nemin...nenin...nemesin... my enemy! The seesaw!

I'm scared of the seesaw.

It bangs.

It tips.

And did I mention that it bangs?

So I was a bit...erm...pants today.

The 'Uman was very proud of Jazz today. She did it all right. But it's okay...I'll steal her treats later.

World poetry day.

Mummy has 'formed me that today is world poetry day. I donts know what this means really but she said I should write a poem.

The 'Uman rekons she's a poet and started off 'Merlie moo had a poo...'

Mummy threw a pillow at her and she shuts up.

Here is my poem...*clearin my frowt.

My Favorit Fings by Merlin Bramhall-Smithe de First (cos I is Qween of my domane)

Walkin walkin everywhere,
Mountains callin here and there.
Sticks and balls and teddy toys too,
Some I've ownded since I was 2.
Skool is fun and lots of laffs,
With Uncle Nic and the spaniel lads.
I luvs 'Uman food much more than woofs,
But treats are 'licious...I's said enuf!

And these is my Favorit Fings, by Merlin de First.

Recovery from mountain conkerin.

There is many ways that you people's seems to recover from this mountain conkerin stuff. Some of you sleeps it off...

Some of you eats foods...

Some of you vows never agains, feets hurt too much....

 

 

And some of yous drinks.

A lot.

I have been trying out your recovery methods but I fink I prefers my own.

I calls it...again!

Helping Mummy wiv the Pub Quiz.

We comed fird this week in the Jolly Sailors Quiz. Not our best effort but we did 'ave an 'andicap.

The 'Uman.

One of the questions was 'who had a hit wiv Blue Moon in 1961'. Answer peoples is very obvio...obvisl...obisvis...it's definitely The Macels. I was telling Mummy the answer while the 'Uman decides to tell her it was Billie Holliday and starts strummin an air guitar and singin Peggy Sue. And telling us that it was a shame Billie dieded in a plane crash.

Me and Mummy...we just looked at her and alls I cud do was laff. I'm sorry peoples I know it's not nice, but she got Billie Holiday and Buddy Holly mixeded up and it neither of them was the right answer.

She also thought Justin Bieber was Justin Timberlake on the picture round.

Next time I fink we should get extra points just to 'ave her on the team. It's like a service to the comun...cominit...to all the peoples!

That is all. Merlin has spoked.

Hunting for the Force!

The book said it is the longest vertical drop waterfall in Engerland. I hads to find it people's. it was imper...periti...impertita...very 'portant! It's called Scales Force, and it's just off Crummock Water. So off we sets for the waterfall.

The path was...erm...pants. Even I couldn't find it all the time and I walked through the river at some points. Mummy rock hopped up the river and the 'Uman...kinda walked/stumbled through the mud.

When we finally got there it was mostly frozen. But Mummy said it was pretty. Didn't look all that big to me.

'Uman Training

I 'ave trained the 'Uman very, very well. Couple of days ago we went 'venturin up a mountain called Blencathra. It's now bagged, and this is where I learnded of my supa power. Come closer...I will 'splane.

We conkered the top and went back down a little bit out if the wind to have us butty break. To none Yorkshire/northern British folk...this means lunch. Mummy pulled out of her bag the little cooker, water, squeezy tubes of soup, and a flat bread thingy. When she got the water hotting up she pulled out an extra fleece to go under her coat to stop her getting cold, and a mat to sit on...same reason. Mummy is not well trained for Merlin's...it's really the other way round here. Howeva my supa power is over the 'Uman. Out if her bag she pulled out a big pouch of dog food. No little cooker. She pulled out a packet of Jumbone dog treats. No spare fleece to stop her getting cold. The extra little bottle of water she carried...dog water. I like Volvic bestest...but at a push Evian will do. I quite like the strawberry flavour I sometimes make her share wiv me too.

So I have 'cided I should use my supa powers for the good of all collies and my new career is to train 'Umans. I have setted up a website. It is www.'Umantrainin.co.uk/numpti'srevriwear charges and so on are all 'splained there. I can teach your 'Uman how to special treat YOU.

Oh and the mountain was good too.

Wild Camping...The Results.

The 'Uman is a numpti. A well trained numpti...but still a numpti (More of the training for 'Uman's in my next blog). Here is my reasoning for this denig...desing...insult!

When we went conkerin big mountains with Mummy and the 'Uman carrying big bags...the 'Uman had a fing over her bag that kept blowing in the wind.

The fing scared me...flappin in the wind. 'Uman also got her pants, gloves, and hat all wet...they froze over night in the mini house. It wasn't good. Mummy had to bash them against a rock so she could move them and carry on with the 'venturin.

See peoples...I was there!

 

It was very, very, very cold up there. I have to tell you peoples. So cold in fact that I had to make myself a little nest with the extra stuff I had the 'Uman carry up the mountain in Merlin's Kit list.

Did I mention that it was very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there peoples? No? Wel it was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there!

So this was meant to be the route...

Gatesgarth farm up to Scarth Gap then we climb up Haystacks. Stay in the mini house till the morning then we go back to Scarth Gap and climb up Seat, High Crag, High Stile, Red Pike, then Great Borne for another night in the mini house. Next day then down to Scales Force waterfall and in to Buttermere village.  This is pretty much the Buttermere Round and lots of Peak baggin for Merlin's.

It didn't happen.

Instead we did this...

Gatesgarth farm to Scarth Gap then climbed...and I do mean climbed...Haystacks in a blizzard (That's what the 'Uman called it--Mummy said it was a bit of snow that obscurred the path a little bit and made it a little bit harder). We stayed in the mini house at Innominate Tarn...and then changed the route 'cos it was too snowy the next day. Mummy 'cided that the climbing back down Haystacks was too icy and dangerus. So we went to Blackbeck Tarn, Fleetwith Pike, Hoopers Quary, Honnister House, up to Dale Head, and stayed in the mini house at Dale Head Tarn. The next day we then went down the miners path into Newlands Valley and got to the cottage that the 'Uman had booked for the rest of the week.

It was an 'venture. Mummy took lots of very pretty photo's, I bagged some peaks, Jazz chased me a bit, we both rolled in sheep poo...and the 'Uman survived. Barely.

Wild Camping...

Peoples I am going on an xpedition. I am going peak baggin. Mummy said this is where I conkers lots of mountains at once. To do all the conkerin this time we's gonna build the mini house on top of a couple of mountains.

The picture is me and mummy outside the mini house. It's not very big...and it's not got a bed in it for me, but it's blue like my eyes and mummy's bag. Cos we's staying in the mini house I've 'structed the 'Uman to carry some stuff for me. Us sperienced mini housers call it 'kit'.

Here's my kit list that the 'Uman is carrying for me...
1) Food - very portant.
2) treats - also very portant.
3) My shoes - my plan is to 'forget them' up the mountain.
4) Sleeping mat - for my comfiness after a hard days conkerin.
5) sleeping bag - for me to share wiv Jazz. In case it gets cold.
6) some more treats - I told you they was portant.
7) Jazz's coat - in case I steal all the sleeping bag.
8) Jazz's tablets for her shoulder
9) Some bandages - in case I cuts my feet.
10) my scarf - also blue to match the matching stuf...I mean kit.
11) a towel - so we don't go to bed wet.
12) they went and got me a coat too. Fleecy and a bit snazzy. Wasaaaaay nicerer than Jazz's.

Mummy is carrying some other portant stuff like the mini house, and her sleeping bag, and the stove, and cra...I mean rubbish like that.

She's also taking the posh camera for my poses....pictures of me to follow peoples.