I demands a recount peoples!

I might be smilin peoples, but that is just for the camera. Tonight at skool Jazz wonned the 'gility course. She gots the fastest time of evry1. 

And I gots number 4. 

Somfink smells fishi, peoples. Very fishi.

Lets e'zamine the evidens.

1 - Every nite we 'as to 'ave ham. 4 pieces. I sees Mummy addin bits to sum of the ham pieces. I has chekded peoples. My ham is empty. Very, very, EMPTY.

Spicous, I finks.

2 - Every week we 'ave been goin 2 massage. Jazz gets rubbed all over by the nurse while I gets to lie on the floor and be ignoreded. These peoples don't no who I is! This rubbin stuff is sup'osed to be for her afritis. In her shoulder.

Seems, like a condi...dition....fing that would slow her down. Spicous more.

3 - Swimin. Every week for her afritis we has to go to hidroferapi. The lady takes her in a huge bath of clean warm water and makes her swim. I has a go 2, 'cos I is Merlin de First.

Again, this would leads me, Merlin de First, Queen of all I surveys, to fink she be slower...not faster than before. Much spicous. 

So, peoples this is my evidens. Jazz 'as afritis so no ways cud she beats me in a fair race. I read 'bout 'formance e'hancin drugs on the tinterweb, peoples. 

I finks we shud take a close look at that ham. That's all I'm sayin.

Surprise for the Christmas Market this weekend.

Peoples, fans, followers, and Spaniels, lend me your ears...not literally, mine works perfickly fanks, I mean listen up. I've been working on a special, extra special treat for you all at the Christmas Market. I likes to call it my Christmas Present to you alls.

I've 'structed Mummy to put up Merlin's Magic Paws round the Market. If you find them all, tell one of my staffs in the Infomation Centre and they'll give you a present from me. 

Now, come closer...closer...closer...ow, not on my feets. 

What the staffs don't know yet, is that I've written you all a story. It's an extra special true life's Christmas story...just for you. The key to it is on the present. Shhhh. Don't tell the staffs...I've not got them Christmas presents this year.

So remember your mission, peoples, find the paws, tell the staffs all the colours, get the present and use the key. Simples. Fank you please. Merlin rules.

I have been to the Torture chamber...

Peoples I don't care how sad the 'Uman is. Her behaviour today has been unacceptable.

Unacceptable!

She took me...Merlin Bramhall (I'm dropping the Smith part from now on) de First and Jazzy Bramhall-Smith (she's got to keep it...cos I said so) to the Torture chamber.

Dese fings were the instrumnents of my abuse, Peoples!

I went in there a fine figure of a Collie. And now I look like this....

I have been scalped...pruned...de-furred!

I is practically nekid, Peoples!

It is an outrage!

I will have my revenge, Peoples.

Oh yes. *rubbing my little paws together...

Oh yes, I will have my revenge.

 

I wonder how hard it would really be to get those pictures of the 'Uman wiv pigtails afterall...

 

My 'Uman is sad.

She is saded 'cos yes'erday her Grandad passed away. He was very poorly sick and had been in the 'Uman Vets for a long time. He was very olds too. 623 in doggie years. Even Jazzy's not that old yet!

So all of us fur-great-grand babies is trying to work outs how's to cheer ups our 'Umans.

They is sad.

But Mummy showeded me a picture of my 'Uman wiv her Grandad when she was little. All I can say is...pigtails. *shaking head in disbelief.

Proof of dis Miri...Mira...mirc...event to follow when I gets my paws on it People's.

Pretty...

Merin thinks I was refering to her...not the gorgeous winter wonderland as the sun begins to set over the Tipi's at Deepdale Backpackers and camping.

Oh well!

Visitors....

Granny Smith is coming to visit....



'Jazz' has warned me about her...... Scared!

A puppies rightful place....

I have claimed my rightful place in the world!






How cool?

I'm leaving home....

I have decided to leave the 'umans to it and I'm going somewhere new. There is one very good reason for this.



It is noisy.
It sucks things into this black hole of bin-ness.
It chases me around the house.

I don't like it.

So I have decided to continue working on my escape tunnel from the garden and not fill them up with cats.

What is it for....?

I have been watching 'No Merlin!' for the last couple of days and notcied the appearance of these things in the garden.



At first I thought she was tunneling for freedom. Now I have spotted two others appearing. This makes three holes of three different sizes.

I have also been watching 'No Merlin!' following the pants cats around quite a lot. There are three of those. In three different sizes....

Curiouser, and curiouser.....

Identity Crisis....!

This is a tunnel for the Pants cats to play with....



..... and this is 'No Merlin!' playing inside it.

I thought she was bright.....

.... I may have been wrong!

It's not so bad....

I have come to the conclusion that captivity is not really that bad. the sleeping facilities are fairly comfy....


The bribes are ok.....



And there is this thing called BBQ night. Its on a 'Sunday', and I nearly managed a major miracle. I got my teeth around a thing the 'umans call 'steak'. It was taken away very quickly, but I got a taste. I will remember and continue to try again in future.

As I have decided to accept my captivity I have decided to label the 'umans, One and Two.

The black and white monster is labeled 'Jazz' and is actually really nice to me. She plays with me quite a lot.



and she lets me take her treats off her so it's all good.

It may have potential....

I took 'No Merlin!' for a walk through the Pinewoods to wells-next-the-sea from Holkham beach. I let the two Mummies come of course, they were required for driving us there and paying for the bus back.

I was attempting to teach 'No Merlin!' the general purpose of sticks and there role in our world.



There may yet be hope for the young one!

I'm sorry sir but you can't check in....

Today was a bit of a nightmare in the information centre. It is where all the people come to get told the rules of my campsite when they want to come and stay. Auntie Sophie and my Mummy had gotten all the pieces of paper ready for the arrival of the peoples. The papers have the rules on bbq's and noises on them and what square they can put there canvass house on.

Today 'No Merlin!' got hold of the paper rules and started to eat them.

Bad 'No Merlin!'. Bad puppy.

My Mummy was very upset and 'straught at this behaviour. I had to take her for a walk around my campsite for a fag and a breather.

I am beginning to think I must hang my head in shame at 'No Merlin!'s behaviour.

The appearance of 'No Merlin!' in my life....

I miss Jasper, so my Mummy and Mummy 2 decided to get me a new friend to play with. they arrived with 'No Merlin!'.

A border collie puppy with blue eyes and what my Mummy calls 'the look'.



See what she means.... I'll never get any fuss now!

Anyway 'No Merlin!' likes to bite and chase the Mummies feet all the time and steals all my food! I have decided though, I like puppy food.

I will keep you up to date with 'No Merlin's!' progress. I may have to teach her some things as my Mummy said 'the collie is strong in this one!'

Pistols at dawn!

The puppy is being very naughty. She keeps chasing the pants cats around. Mummy's are not very impressed with this at all and keep telling her to stop. 'No Merlin!' takes no notice and carry's on. Last night Mummy 2 came home 'packing heat'. She did something at the kitchen sink and then next time 'No Merlin!' went to chase the cats she squirted her with water. It was very funny.

Mummy 2 did this a few times then the naughty puppy decided this was a new game and 'No Merlin' walked over while Mummy 2 was shooting her and started to drink the water from the gun.

Mummy 2 looked upset and my Mummy just laughed and laughed.

'No Merlin!' has got some serious learning to do.

Boats, broads and Banana's!

Yesterday I discovered the Norfolk broads.



The 'umans also put me in this stupid, stupid thing. See. Stupid.



I look like a plonker!

On the way home the 'umans stopped at a place called 'Mackie's' for thick shakes. One chocolate and one mystery. The chocolate one apparently tasted wrong. Like banana. She didn't like banana, so took it back to get another one. Which also tasted like banana. In the end she got a coke. She wasn't happy. blah blah broken machine. blah blah hate bananas. blah blah wanted my chocolate. and on and on....

Nearly home she turns to the other lady and says 'how was your milk shake?'

'Lovely.'
'Did you have vanilla?'
'No'
'Strawberry?'
'No'
'You had banana didn't you?'
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................'Yes.'

'it's all your fault! You banana'd the machine!'


They're lunatics!

Pants cats and Super hard puppies!

Captivity gets more confusing everyday.

The 'umans today showed me things the call 'pants cats'.





They call the grey one 'thena', and the other one 'Herc'. 'Herc' was nasty to me and tried to hit me. I was super fast though and escaped. Yay me.

The other one is a wuss and is scared of me. Super hard me.

They are about my size though and may be useful to my plans in the future as they get really good smelling food up on the top of this cupboard where i can't reach it. Bad 'umans. It should be on the floor then i can have some too. I am practising jumping and climbing to see if i can reach up the cupboard as their is a chair that the 'pants cat 'thena' uses to get up to the food. This may be may only hope.

Labeling

Day 2 of my captivity has been a little confusing.

The 'umans keep saying 'Merlin' at me, then waiting for me to do something. I don't know what. The black and white monster seems to look at the 'umans when they say the word 'Jazz'. They have also put a label on me. it's on this stringy thing around my neck. I tried to look at it, but I went cross eyed.

Food is still good and sleeping facilities are adequate.



I will continue to keep you up to date.