I demands a recount peoples!

I might be smilin peoples, but that is just for the camera. Tonight at skool Jazz wonned the 'gility course. She gots the fastest time of evry1. 

And I gots number 4. 

Somfink smells fishi, peoples. Very fishi.

Lets e'zamine the evidens.

1 - Every nite we 'as to 'ave ham. 4 pieces. I sees Mummy addin bits to sum of the ham pieces. I has chekded peoples. My ham is empty. Very, very, EMPTY.

Spicous, I finks.

2 - Every week we 'ave been goin 2 massage. Jazz gets rubbed all over by the nurse while I gets to lie on the floor and be ignoreded. These peoples don't no who I is! This rubbin stuff is sup'osed to be for her afritis. In her shoulder.

Seems, like a condi...dition....fing that would slow her down. Spicous more.

3 - Swimin. Every week for her afritis we has to go to hidroferapi. The lady takes her in a huge bath of clean warm water and makes her swim. I has a go 2, 'cos I is Merlin de First.

Again, this would leads me, Merlin de First, Queen of all I surveys, to fink she be slower...not faster than before. Much spicous. 

So, peoples this is my evidens. Jazz 'as afritis so no ways cud she beats me in a fair race. I read 'bout 'formance e'hancin drugs on the tinterweb, peoples. 

I finks we shud take a close look at that ham. That's all I'm sayin.

I is a Geniarse

People's, I has told you before about my school where I shot through all the beginner classes wiv ease. I started wiv the 'eveyone can turn up and run wild' class. I was a star there. Then I moved on to the 'you have to know what a jump and a tunnel is' class. I was a star there 2. Then I moved on to the 'spaniel' class. I was out numbered but still a star. Now people's, I has found my rightful place. I has moved up in the word and graduated to...

Collie Class.

Oh yes, I have gotten access. I am 'ceppted into the Collie Hall of Fame and the Inner Circle of Collieness.  I am CC registered with the High Shepherd of Collistinction. 

My Collie Class has flyball and agility in it all at the same time. Very special and requ..rekuir...needs a lot of special 'tention and skills. Collie's are 'specially good at this.

Mr. Martin--my teacer--says I is a dream dog to work and that I has 'tential. I likes Mr. Martin. He' a Collie man and a direct 'scendant of the High Shepherd line. 

Collie Class has rules, peoples. You must keep these to self...

Rule 1.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.

Rue 2.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.

Rule 3.  None Collie's in Collie Class must accet the rule of Collieness.

Rule 4. No telling Spaniels about Collie Class.

Rule 5.  Merlin de First rules. Thank you, please.

That is all peoples. Goodbye.

I needs 'medial clas at skool

I went to my skool today. Unkle Nic had a really really good course set up. 'Cept for one thing. My arch nemin...nenin...nemesin... my enemy! The seesaw!

I'm scared of the seesaw.

It bangs.

It tips.

And did I mention that it bangs?

So I was a bit...erm...pants today.

The 'Uman was very proud of Jazz today. She did it all right. But it's okay...I'll steal her treats later.