I demands a recount peoples!

I might be smilin peoples, but that is just for the camera. Tonight at skool Jazz wonned the 'gility course. She gots the fastest time of evry1. 

And I gots number 4. 

Somfink smells fishi, peoples. Very fishi.

Lets e'zamine the evidens.

1 - Every nite we 'as to 'ave ham. 4 pieces. I sees Mummy addin bits to sum of the ham pieces. I has chekded peoples. My ham is empty. Very, very, EMPTY.

Spicous, I finks.

2 - Every week we 'ave been goin 2 massage. Jazz gets rubbed all over by the nurse while I gets to lie on the floor and be ignoreded. These peoples don't no who I is! This rubbin stuff is sup'osed to be for her afritis. In her shoulder.

Seems, like a condi...dition....fing that would slow her down. Spicous more.

3 - Swimin. Every week for her afritis we has to go to hidroferapi. The lady takes her in a huge bath of clean warm water and makes her swim. I has a go 2, 'cos I is Merlin de First.

Again, this would leads me, Merlin de First, Queen of all I surveys, to fink she be slower...not faster than before. Much spicous. 

So, peoples this is my evidens. Jazz 'as afritis so no ways cud she beats me in a fair race. I read 'bout 'formance e'hancin drugs on the tinterweb, peoples. 

I finks we shud take a close look at that ham. That's all I'm sayin.

Recovery from mountain conkerin.

There is many ways that you people's seems to recover from this mountain conkerin stuff. Some of you sleeps it off...

Some of you eats foods...

Some of you vows never agains, feets hurt too much....

 

 

And some of yous drinks.

A lot.

I have been trying out your recovery methods but I fink I prefers my own.

I calls it...again!

Wild Camping...The Results.

The 'Uman is a numpti. A well trained numpti...but still a numpti (More of the training for 'Uman's in my next blog). Here is my reasoning for this denig...desing...insult!

When we went conkerin big mountains with Mummy and the 'Uman carrying big bags...the 'Uman had a fing over her bag that kept blowing in the wind.

The fing scared me...flappin in the wind. 'Uman also got her pants, gloves, and hat all wet...they froze over night in the mini house. It wasn't good. Mummy had to bash them against a rock so she could move them and carry on with the 'venturin.

See peoples...I was there!

 

It was very, very, very cold up there. I have to tell you peoples. So cold in fact that I had to make myself a little nest with the extra stuff I had the 'Uman carry up the mountain in Merlin's Kit list.

Did I mention that it was very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there peoples? No? Wel it was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very cold up there!

So this was meant to be the route...

Gatesgarth farm up to Scarth Gap then we climb up Haystacks. Stay in the mini house till the morning then we go back to Scarth Gap and climb up Seat, High Crag, High Stile, Red Pike, then Great Borne for another night in the mini house. Next day then down to Scales Force waterfall and in to Buttermere village.  This is pretty much the Buttermere Round and lots of Peak baggin for Merlin's.

It didn't happen.

Instead we did this...

Gatesgarth farm to Scarth Gap then climbed...and I do mean climbed...Haystacks in a blizzard (That's what the 'Uman called it--Mummy said it was a bit of snow that obscurred the path a little bit and made it a little bit harder). We stayed in the mini house at Innominate Tarn...and then changed the route 'cos it was too snowy the next day. Mummy 'cided that the climbing back down Haystacks was too icy and dangerus. So we went to Blackbeck Tarn, Fleetwith Pike, Hoopers Quary, Honnister House, up to Dale Head, and stayed in the mini house at Dale Head Tarn. The next day we then went down the miners path into Newlands Valley and got to the cottage that the 'Uman had booked for the rest of the week.

It was an 'venture. Mummy took lots of very pretty photo's, I bagged some peaks, Jazz chased me a bit, we both rolled in sheep poo...and the 'Uman survived. Barely.

Pretty...

Merin thinks I was refering to her...not the gorgeous winter wonderland as the sun begins to set over the Tipi's at Deepdale Backpackers and camping.

Oh well!

Visitors....

Granny Smith is coming to visit....



'Jazz' has warned me about her...... Scared!

A puppies rightful place....

I have claimed my rightful place in the world!






How cool?

I'm leaving home....

I have decided to leave the 'umans to it and I'm going somewhere new. There is one very good reason for this.



It is noisy.
It sucks things into this black hole of bin-ness.
It chases me around the house.

I don't like it.

So I have decided to continue working on my escape tunnel from the garden and not fill them up with cats.

What is it for....?

I have been watching 'No Merlin!' for the last couple of days and notcied the appearance of these things in the garden.



At first I thought she was tunneling for freedom. Now I have spotted two others appearing. This makes three holes of three different sizes.

I have also been watching 'No Merlin!' following the pants cats around quite a lot. There are three of those. In three different sizes....

Curiouser, and curiouser.....

Identity Crisis....!

This is a tunnel for the Pants cats to play with....



..... and this is 'No Merlin!' playing inside it.

I thought she was bright.....

.... I may have been wrong!

Boats, broads and Banana's!

Yesterday I discovered the Norfolk broads.



The 'umans also put me in this stupid, stupid thing. See. Stupid.



I look like a plonker!

On the way home the 'umans stopped at a place called 'Mackie's' for thick shakes. One chocolate and one mystery. The chocolate one apparently tasted wrong. Like banana. She didn't like banana, so took it back to get another one. Which also tasted like banana. In the end she got a coke. She wasn't happy. blah blah broken machine. blah blah hate bananas. blah blah wanted my chocolate. and on and on....

Nearly home she turns to the other lady and says 'how was your milk shake?'

'Lovely.'
'Did you have vanilla?'
'No'
'Strawberry?'
'No'
'You had banana didn't you?'
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................'Yes.'

'it's all your fault! You banana'd the machine!'


They're lunatics!