I demands a recount peoples!

I might be smilin peoples, but that is just for the camera. Tonight at skool Jazz wonned the 'gility course. She gots the fastest time of evry1. 

And I gots number 4. 

Somfink smells fishi, peoples. Very fishi.

Lets e'zamine the evidens.

1 - Every nite we 'as to 'ave ham. 4 pieces. I sees Mummy addin bits to sum of the ham pieces. I has chekded peoples. My ham is empty. Very, very, EMPTY.

Spicous, I finks.

2 - Every week we 'ave been goin 2 massage. Jazz gets rubbed all over by the nurse while I gets to lie on the floor and be ignoreded. These peoples don't no who I is! This rubbin stuff is sup'osed to be for her afritis. In her shoulder.

Seems, like a condi...dition....fing that would slow her down. Spicous more.

3 - Swimin. Every week for her afritis we has to go to hidroferapi. The lady takes her in a huge bath of clean warm water and makes her swim. I has a go 2, 'cos I is Merlin de First.

Again, this would leads me, Merlin de First, Queen of all I surveys, to fink she be slower...not faster than before. Much spicous. 

So, peoples this is my evidens. Jazz 'as afritis so no ways cud she beats me in a fair race. I read 'bout 'formance e'hancin drugs on the tinterweb, peoples. 

I finks we shud take a close look at that ham. That's all I'm sayin.