Woof Watchers

Peoples, for weeks now I has been mostly eating dust, grass, and stolen cat poop. The pet Doc said Jazz was looking 'tubby' and I had losted my waistline. Don't like that pet Doc no more 'cos mummy and the 'Uman 'sisted we go on a diet after this news. Evil things diets. Dont like 'em. I is Merlin de First, I needs treats!

Yesterday I understood mummy's hatred of these fings...

So people's I climbded aboard and sitted down. I tried to trick the weigher by giving mummy a paw. Didn't work. Moment later pet Doc (a new one) gave the verdict. 1kg losted in three weeks. Get in! I rocks, People's. I rocks. 

Jazzy the tubby (sniggering behind my paw) got on next and she'd losted a grand total of 300gms. No I didn't  speled that rong. 300grams. Also kown as -- nothing. 

Do you know what that mean's, people's?

No?

It mean's the diet continues.

Do I look happy to you? All doggie bags gratefully received at Starving Pooch, P.O. Box 300. Feed me, UK.

Thank you please, Merlin Rules.

I is a Geniarse

People's, I has told you before about my school where I shot through all the beginner classes wiv ease. I started wiv the 'eveyone can turn up and run wild' class. I was a star there. Then I moved on to the 'you have to know what a jump and a tunnel is' class. I was a star there 2. Then I moved on to the 'spaniel' class. I was out numbered but still a star. Now people's, I has found my rightful place. I has moved up in the word and graduated to...

Collie Class.

Oh yes, I have gotten access. I am 'ceppted into the Collie Hall of Fame and the Inner Circle of Collieness.  I am CC registered with the High Shepherd of Collistinction. 

My Collie Class has flyball and agility in it all at the same time. Very special and requ..rekuir...needs a lot of special 'tention and skills. Collie's are 'specially good at this.

Mr. Martin--my teacer--says I is a dream dog to work and that I has 'tential. I likes Mr. Martin. He' a Collie man and a direct 'scendant of the High Shepherd line. 

Collie Class has rules, peoples. You must keep these to self...

Rule 1.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.

Rue 2.  No Spaniels allowed in Collie Class.

Rule 3.  None Collie's in Collie Class must accet the rule of Collieness.

Rule 4. No telling Spaniels about Collie Class.

Rule 5.  Merlin de First rules. Thank you, please.

That is all peoples. Goodbye.

Something Special

People's I have been busy this week doing a'vanced preparations for the Deepdale Christmas Market. I have beened a busy pooch. I can't tell you too much 'bout it 'cos I don't want to give too much away, but if you come to the Market there's a game for my friends to play.

You have to find all the coloured paws around the market stalls. Some will be on the floor and some will be up high, and when you've found them all, you have to come and tell me the colours. 

If you get them all right, I'll give you a special surprise. How cool is that? 

In other news of the week...

Yesterday, Jazz and me took Mummy and the 'Uman to the beach and we saw something amaze-balls. Never seen one before in all of my life, but Jazz said she had once. It was a doubly rainbow right over the beach. The 'Uman said you could find pots of gold at the end of them, but it ended in the sea so we didn't go and look. See...







It was very windy, but it was a very nice walk. The only problem was afterwards. Mummy said we was to mucky to get in the car. We were a little bit soggy and covered in sand, so the 'Uman came up with this idea...

 

I don't think she knows who I am.

 

I'm a 'fraidy pup

People's I've been in hiding. That's why you haven't seen me around for a while. Feared for my life. And I'm not like the cat...I don't have spare ones!

You'll be wondering what scareded me now, right? Well, as mummy said, 'tis a long and strange tale. Think she was being sarcst...sarcat....starcast...funny, but I'm never sure with her.

So here it is................(putting on story teller hat and crossing my paws)

Once upon a time, one day this summer ago, the 'Uman took me and Jazz for late 'blutions (last walk before bed) on Barrow common. 

'Twas a lovely warm night, 

with no peoples in sight, 

and a ball that was yellow and black. 

The ball flew thru the air,

Parting my hair,

While I chased it and then brought it back.

Out of the corner of my eye,

Movement did I spy,

And curiously I started the chase.

Moving shadow, I thought,

Or a new ball had been brought,

My friends, this wasn't the case.

It was huge, it had horns,

Jumped so high, hid in thorns,

'Til it stopped, looked me right in the eye.

Lowered it's head, pawed the ground,

I saw it pounce, turned around,

I thought this was my final goodbye.

But Merlin be nimble, and Merlin be quick,

And Merlin ran past a really good stick,

Never daring to look back at the monster.

Jazz watched from the grass,

The 'Uman stood at the pass,

From them both I could hear all this laughter.

It's Bambi, she shouted.

Just a deer, she called,

It won't hurt you, you silly old dog.

I felt rather foolish,

But it look scary, and ghoulish,

With that aura of mystical fog.

I feel more than a little bit anxious,

When we drive by I get a little bit nervous,

I'm really just a 'fraidy pup.

But now you know why,

I can't look you in the eye,

If eve you ask me 'what's up?'

A'venturising with Mummy and the 'Uman

People's I've been on 'oliday. I tooks Mummy and the 'Uman to a place called York Shire Dales. It's pritty--like me--and got lumpy bits--like Jazz. It fits us.

We stayed in the collapsible house again that Mummy calls a tent, but it was a bigger one this time, and Mummy 'sembled it straight from the car. She didn't have to lug it up a blumin mountain again and let the 'Uman get frost bites--not like last time.

The house lived right next to a river, which was really, really cool, peoples. It meant that I could go and cool off from the hotness whenever I felt like it. Just climbed down the bank and went for a swim, or a paddle if I only wanted to cool off my tootsies. Mummy even dividesed a fridge in the river...sort of. She put the 'Uman's beers, some other drinks, butter and stuff in her dry bag and sealeded it up. The she tied a rope around it, tied it to a tree and dangled the bag in the river, where the water was chilly. The 'Uman called her Bear Gryhls then...I don't understand, but I wasn't going to tell the 'Uman that! 'Specially when it turned out that the 'Uman hadn't packed the right gas for the new campy cooker she had brought. Mummy had to cook right over the fire instead. Sometimes, peoples, I has to shake my head at the 'Uman.

We did a new a'venture fing this time called Gorge Walking. Now, I don't know exactly it's called this but I fink it's  because all Mummy and the 'Uman kept saying while they was walking and swimming down the river was 'Oh it's gorgeous'. So maybe it's short for Gorgeous Walking...don't know.

So the Gorgeous Walking meant we could go climbing up and down the rocks with the water falling off them.

See? Gorgeous.

On the first day, Mummy and the 'Uman came in the water in swimming cozzies. The 'Uman said that she was getting frost bites again on different places to last time and the next day they wored wetsuits for the Gorgeous Walking. Wusses. I just went in in my fur.


Mummy tooked lots--and I do mean lots--of pictures with her camera. Some are really nice, and then she took some that aren't...erm...quite so nice.

 

This is the 'Uman from underwater. Mummy was being...erm...creative.

 

So back to me. I proved my swimming championshipness by racing the 'Uman for the stick in the water. I even gaved her a head start as I am 'ceptional. I call this video 'Uman versus Merlin de First, Queen of all her lands and must be obeyed. But I gives you all permission to watch it.

 

 

I think, peoples, I have found my Olympic sport.

 

There are more photopictures of my a'venturing on my facebook page. Mummy posted them before I could get to the laptop.

 

Bye for now, peoples, more to follow. Thank you please. Merlin de First, over and out.



I'm back!

Peoples, mummy had been very busy monp...mompo....monpol....using my 'puter so I can't get on it and speks to my peoples. I am Merlin de First, and I is not happy 'bout this.

What has she been doing wiv my 'puter I hears you asking. Well, she's been writing words for a book. But now she's doned and this is what her mas'erpeace looks like. It's called Nightingale and its gonna be pubished next year.

Busy...

Peoples you may be wonderin why I 'aven't been bloggin much lately. And if you 'aven't...shame on you! Bad peoples!

I is scowlin at you now.

For you good peoples who 'ave misseded me...I is smilin at you...I will 'splane that I 'ave been very very busy. And that Mummy has been using her iPad lots. Bad Mummy.

But I had to let's you know that my office at work has been 'vaded.

This is my 'cusin' Rosie. Takin over MY OFFICE on MY BAD MUMMY'S CHAIR!

I don't gets to sit on there peoples!

Cheeky. That's all I can say.

Merlin de First...'sgusted wiv the 'cusin'